May 27, 2010

“we don’t want our son to develop an unhealthy relationship to sex….or agribusiness”

my favorite spoken sentiment from tv this year, the above quote from ‘modern family’.

it has been entirely delightful outside as of late. unfortunately, all this sunshine makes the indoor climate of my work life more depressing, especially when coupled with the words from ‘centesimus annus’ that keep ringing in my ears (thanks JPII). but, we continue to ward off despair and, of course, there is lots to be thankful for. like the fact that today i got to go on a boss-mandated walk and that the farmer’s market has taken residence in daley plaza (i’ve already determined that i’ll treat myself to something sweet from one of the many booths at lunch).

and the fact that there is all sorts of beautiful stuff happening in life when i’m not at work. like time with friends. and family. and cross-stitching. and weddings. and gardening.

i’m really loving this garden. the time that mark and i spend together in that quiet lot are some of our happiest, i do think. it feels to good to liberate our limbs from books and desks and actually work on something so much larger than yourself. the garden we are a part of is really amazing. lots of hardworking people who are invested in the local community. we’ve built plots of ‘free-for-the-taking’ veggies around the perimeter of the garden and come harvest time, there will regular collections for the local church’s soup kitchen. it just warms my heart entirely, i tell you what.

that said, mark does think i’m becoming a bit wacky about our little sprouts (this scenario plays out quite frequently, can’t you tell?). the other night, i tried to get him to take our seedlings on a walk with us. it is really not as unreasonable as it sounds – i’ve already scorched the sweet basil, so i’m determined to harden off these little seedlings much more thoroughly before i abandon them to the elements. anyways. i lost that argument, and pretty much all of the ensuing arguments where i try to convince him to carry small plants with him anywhere he goes. it’s funny, but i really do feel myself developing a parental love for my inanimate growing things. each plant has such differenct needs, likes, dislikes and such variety of physical personality – it is kind of hard to keep up with all these agendas. 

monday night i crammed four looming tomatoe plants into my bike basket in order to bring them down to the garden (about a mile’s ride from our place). i imagine it was quite a sight. it got me thinking about making some sort of mobile garden attached to my bike which, after mulling over the logisitics, i don’t quite figure that i’ve got the know-how to make a reality. but it’s something to think about for next year.

as i’ve said before, i’ll really just be happiest if i manage to put some food on our plates (and the plates of others too) by the end of the season. as with all things, i’ll learn from the mistakes that counter my ambition and hopefully emerge a more well-rounded gardener, soul, friend, lover, etc, etc.

that’s all you can really ask of any sort of situation, right? that it will somehow make you better or make someone else better in the process. it just has to.


random musings

May 5, 2010

so things have sort of picked up at work; i actually have THINGS to do now.

but it turns out that they are so boring, i don’t want to do them. that, and the fact that i have yet another ear infection developing (seriously, this is the 14th or something since last summer) has greatly diminished my will to just push through and “work”. but really, i have an ear handicap, and my ear is the primary organ that i use in this job so i guess its ok to take it slow in between calls and not, say, archive the EEOB project. right? right.

this weekend i actually purchased a radio  in an effort to lift my mood at work. i was convinced that a little music would really shake things up and make life here more exciting. however, it turns out that the radio waves available at 10 s. lasalle, suite 2600, reception area are quite meagre, the clearest station being the light fm and “smooth jazz”. yeah… on the up side, i have passed all sorts of time gently maneuvering the dial back and forth.

so that’s enough complaining.

i have actually lots to be thankful for: i have been deeply blessed by the blooming weather and increased activity of late. we’ve been busy in the garden still which i have loved, planting seeds in our plot and fussing over little seedlings in our apartment. i feel like a nervous new parent. the other night i dreamt that all sorts of beautiful, exotic things were growing in our garden – wild, spindly, colorful blooms and foliage, it was great. but most of my waking hours have been spent wringing my hands over whether anything will possibly come up. i mean, how could it? how does this really happen? i realize how completely urbanized i am as i react with a variety of awe and surprise towards the appearance of each type of seed. mark continues to think i’m crazy as i chatter on about my maps and research and confess my desire to just push away a little bit of the dirt to peek and see if anything is starting to sprout down there. its just such a beautiful mystery to me! i feel completely at the mercy of the earth and the complexity of creation. a wonderful place to be, physically and spiritually, to be sure.

parallel to this, my mind has been enraptured with ina may gaskin’s spiritual midwifery (thanks, rachel!). the birth stories are like hagiography, tracing the triumph and power of women, in their particularities and universalities, who help God usher new life into this world with strength and grace. its ohsobeautiful and encouraging, filling my mind throughout the dull hours at work and getting my gears going about the importance of natural childbirth and healthy families. mark and i talked last night about what my dreams are (a topic we try to focus on when i come home complaining about the meaninglessness of work) and he noted that, as far as where my conversations and thoughts have been as of late, i’m becoming increasingly interested in the connection between spirituality and sexuality and everything that bursts from the mutual embrace of the two.

the man has a point. and i think that ina may’s book represents a perfect fusion of those topics, coming into my hands at the most perfect of times for me.

there is so much just below the surface right now, waiting to start sprouting out. seeds in the earth, seeds in my heart. can’t wait to see what will grow.